


Small Talk

by Adamarks



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Gen, Guest starring Animal Planet, This can be canonverse if you want, i just THINK, or it can not, snowbaz mentioned, they discuss dating but they’re not now and this is just platonic, they should talk :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:21:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29345019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adamarks/pseuds/Adamarks
Summary: “What is your problem?!”“What’s yours?! I know you weren’t madly in love or whatever the fuck.”He’s right. Neither us were, but that’s not the point.-Agatha and Simon have a small heart-to-heart while Animal Planet plays.
Relationships: Simon Snow & Agatha Wellbelove
Comments: 8
Kudos: 25





	Small Talk

**Author's Note:**

> So weirdly enough I stalked my ex’s social media today bc I was wondering if they were still alive (they were), and I realized scrolling that I felt literally nothing. Like the relationship never happened. Which is weird bc I’m not usually like that. Anyway that’s not the vibe of this fic but it did make me think of Katy Perry’s song Small Talk which this fic IS kinda based off of. So there ya go. have fun.

I hear the door shut. The three of them just left, leaving Simon and I alone on the couch. We’re on opposite ends, staring dead-eyed at the television. I unlock my phone and start scrolling Instagram without actually looking at anything. 

My eyes flick up to the screen. The contestant on this show has the most nasally, grating voice I’ve ever heard. Jesus, and he looks like a more depressed Bill Nye. 

“Can we watch something else?” 

Simon looks over at me. “I thought you liked _Jeopardy.”_

“Can you just change the channel.”

I don’t miss the eye roll. He starts flipping through the guide anyway. I start scrolling Instagram again. 

“You’re not even watching. What does it matter what’s playing?”

“I just don’t want to hear it. Do you have to argue everything?” 

He puts on Animal Planet. A boar is attacking a cheetah— or maybe it’s the other way around. Regardless, it’s unpleasant to watch. 

“I don’t argue everything.” 

I stare at him until he huffs and sinks further on the couch. He crosses his arms as a man-child-cherry on top. 

“I cannot believe I ever dated you.” 

“For fuck _sake,_ Agatha!” 

“Don’t yell at me,” I snap and flick my hair over my shoulder. 

“I’m not sure why I dated you either,” he bitches, staring at the tv. “I spent the whole time not being perfect enough.” 

Is he fucking kidding me right now?

“Whatever, Simon.”

“I’m serious! Why did you even date me?” 

This is ridiculous. When are they coming back with the takeaway?

“I could ask you the same question.” I go back to my phone and start meaninglessly switching between apps. 

He gives my ears a merciful break for a moment. Then, “It had just seemed like the right thing to do.” 

It had. 

“What, so you’d seem less gay? So much for that.”

He growls at me. Lucy has more manners. “I didn’t even know I was into him before it happened.”

I’m not sure if I believe in god, but I sure wish he’d pick now to reveal himself and save me. I glance at him. “How are you that stupid?” I say, as if I understand my own sexuality. Regardless, I know I’m not _that_ dense.

Suddenly, a pillow is hitting my face. 

I whip it back as violently as I can. “What is your problem!?”

He throws it back again, just as harshly. “What’s yours?! I know you weren’t madly in love or whatever the fuck.” 

He’s right. Neither us were, but that’s not the point. 

“I’m sick of being attached to you!” 

He falters. He looks positively lost— go figure. “You’re not?” 

I throw up my hands. “Five years of being known as your perfect little girlfriend, and now I still can’t escape! I just want to be my own person without _your name_ branded on my ass!” 

He wilts even more, and something in me feels guilty. I shove it aside and sink into the sofa, crossing my arms. 

He’s quiet for a little while. I watch the cheetah run away from the boar. 

“Sorry,” he mumbles eventually. 

We sit in silence for the rest of the episode. Then the next one starts. Apparently he’d turned on a series marathon of Big Cat Diaries. 

“Cheetah dads are assholes,” he comments. 

“Like most men.” 

He’s giving me a face. I don’t have to look to know. “The mom cheetahs are like constantly on the brink of death. W—“

“Mood.”

He snorts. “Same. Dad’s should still help.” 

“So they can suffer together.” 

“Two’s company.” 

I snort this time. 

Another few minutes pass in silence. Simon’s tapping his foot on the coffee table. 

“So you didn’t use me as a beard, then?” I blurt. 

“... I can’t grow a beard?”

I roll my eyes. “I mean I wasn’t your straight cover,” I snap. 

“Oh. No, I really didn’t know. And I don’t know if I’m gay.” 

I look at him. Open my mouth, then snap it shut. “Me neither.” 

He pauses. “Is that why you always seemed bored when we snogged?” 

I hold my face. I never thought I’d want Penny to storm in so badly in my life. “Oh, because _you_ were so excited. Did you ever even get a boner when we did stuff?”

He has to pause and think about it. “Yeah, once, I think.”

“Ew.”

“You asked.”

“I didn’t actually want to know.” 

“Well you were there for it.”

“Luckily I didn’t notice.”

“Yeah, I felt gross and left the room.”

“Well thank god for that.”

“Pfft.”

We’re quiet again. 

“This cat is going to die,” he says. 

“You’re the one that wanted to watch this.”

He chucks the remote at me. “Then _you_ pick.”

_“Fine—“_

“We’re home!” Shepard announces. 

_Oh thank fuck._


End file.
